Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
