Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
a search helicopter?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
