There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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