he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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