He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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