trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
