We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
