you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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