He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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