It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
how drunk are you?
Several
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
