I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
