Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
