we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
