my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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