im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
