All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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