Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
