He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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