There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
