im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
