when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
