Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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