wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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