Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
