mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Where is the hickey?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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