you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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