carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
