Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
