I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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