well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
