woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
