need another drink. this is the easiest way
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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