Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
