I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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