Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
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you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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