No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
