For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
