Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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