I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Only a mothe r could love this liver
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
