I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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