I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
