i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Ketchup is God's man juice
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
