Say something about gay babies.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
