So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
