woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
