All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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