Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
