Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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