if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
