last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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