Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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