turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
