My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
