i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
