So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
