haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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