"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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