I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
