Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
