Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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