I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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