wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
