So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
