you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
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I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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