If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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