I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
