he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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