I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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