So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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