I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
