I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
